An offer that connects generations
Ulli Engelmann has been a volunteer mediator at primary schools for five years
Helping primary school children to resolve their everyday conflicts without violence is the aim of the non-profit organisation Senior Partners in School. Ulli Engelmann explains what characterises the volunteer work in the Doer of the Week interview.
Ulli Engelmann spends one morning a week at a primary school in Chemnitz. However, the 70-year-old does not sit at the school desk, but helps children to resolve their conflicts with respect and appreciation. Ulli Engelmann has been a member of the Chemnitz chapter of Senior Partners in School for five years. There are currently 28 school mediators active in twelve primary schools in Chemnitz. And this commitment is a win-win situation for everyone involved.
Mr Engelmann, let's assume two little squabblers are sitting in your consulting room at school who have just had a row during the break. What do you do?
Ulli Engelmann: In any case, I never ask: Why did you do that? Instead, I listen. I don't judge and I don't blame. When a child comes to me, the first thing I say is: Well, tell me about it. I don't want to know who started it either. For us school mediators, it's about teaching the children that they can react differently than their first reflex tells them to. And that often involves assault.
How do you do that?
With respect and appreciation. And mindfulness - in dealing with others and with themselves. When the children feel themselves, when they know that I'm okay the way I am, then they realise that they don't have to constantly trip up the other person to draw attention to themselves.
Where can you be found at school?
There are always two of us at a school. There is a consultation room where confidential discussions can take place. What is discussed there stays there, no teachers or parents find out. That's very important to the children. It creates trust. However, we also go into the classroom to provide support, for example if one of the children keeps disrupting the lesson. Our mere presence is usually enough. We are also outside during the yard break. Because that's where things tend to get more serious.
The Saxony state association of Seniorpartner in School e. V. (SiS) is based in Chemnitz and was founded in 2008. It currently has 63 active members. The Chemnitz regional group was awarded the Peace Prize of the City of Chemnitz in 2023.
What do you encounter in school playgrounds and classrooms?
I'm at the Rudolf School, for example, which is a very peaceful school. When we are needed, it's mostly insults and teasing, but also threats and physical attacks. And, of course, repeated disruption of lessons.
How do you react specifically?
Let's take two children: one has tripped the other and the other has punched him in the stomach. Then, of course, we ask what happened. But then we move on to the question of how they think the other person feels about it. This is how we teach empathy. The children learn to look at their behaviour critically. At the same time, it becomes clear that there is a need behind every behaviour. We try to find out what that is. For example, we realise that anger or provocation often stems from the fact that the children don't feel seen at home or at school. Another example: a music performance in the gym, someone is disruptive. I take him outside and he runs three laps around the schoolyard. This movement helps him to regain calm and concentration. The teacher couldn't do that at that moment.
School mediators are placed directly, so the school headmasters can contact the association if they are interested. Madlen Dost, headmistress of Südlicher Sonnenberg primary school, says: "The change from a consensus society to a conflict society has left its mark on schools. Pupils at primary schools are also confronted with conflicts of all kinds. The SiS school mediators therefore come at just the right time. They are an important support in everyday school life, as they have enough time and a sympathetic ear."
How does the cooperation with the teachers work?
We are not in competition with them, but offer mindful conflict resolution, even in individual cases where the teacher simply doesn't have the time. And the teaching team appreciates this just as much as the school management.
The Saxony state association is looking for more mediators for primary schools in Chemnitz. From 5 March to 12 April, the non-profit association is running a free training course to become a school mediator in Chemnitz. The programme is aimed at senior citizens aged 55 and over. Registrations can be made with Herbert Hartmann by telephone on 0152 25169472 or by email to hh-hartmann@t-online.de.
What principles guide your actions?
Warmth of heart. Without pointing a finger. I want to empower the children, but not in the sense that they are allowed to smack everyone. It's about helping the children to value themselves and find their own peace. Then there is no reason to pick fights or hit them.
Does that mean you work specifically on the case, but also preventively?
Correct, because the children should learn how to behave in conflict situations. It's a process.
How do the children see you?
Nobody calls us mediators, even though that's what we are. We are called mediators. They know that we listen, that they can confide in us. Some of them then really open up about their problems. And then we ask: What do you need to feel good? But I'm not a grandad substitute and certainly not a mate.
What does the work do for you personally?
A lot. It fulfils me and keeps me mentally active. I'm needed and can pass on some of my life experience. That's wonderful! I enjoy working with the children just as much as the regular meetings with the other volunteers. It keeps me fit. It's a real win-win situation that enriches my life.